Blue Wednesday

I have had a few blue days. I have tried to stay busy but my nights are so fitful, all I do is toss and turn. I have extreme headaches and backaches My feet even hurt in my dreams,
How weird is that. I think it is from all the walking. (walking in my dreams, searching for answers.) When I do get up I have to force my self through the day. Often tears are rolling and I am calling on God for answers.
Now I must get busy on my chosen jobs.
Yesterday I picked beans and more beans. When David came home he picked peas.
What to do but shell and snap them all. I made it though the yellow beans, and the peas but never finished the task. (as in processing and putting in freezer bags).
I did snap about three quarts of green beans but stopped when I was suddenly too tired to do more. This was last night.
Today I should be doing just that but again, I got up at 6 Am , ate and back to bed I went.
I am back on my losing binge too. I have lost 2 lbs this week. Not that I am complaining. I eat cereal at night. I get so hungry about 9 PM I have to eat something.
I wake up expecting the worse when I step on the scales and a few more ounces are gone.
I think it is pure stress causing the loss. Or it can be the tossing and turning. That is exercise.
I just got out of bed again and trying to start the day.
I found out yesterday, Bill has us scheduled for an open house on Sunday. Great thing to know four days in advance. Unless he told me earlier, which I doubt , that kind of thing I would not forget. I must get moving and get ends tied up. Or do I even care? Lots of loose ends in our lives. I must find a post I saw earlier. It sure fit my life.
Who cares when we are gone, how much we accumulated? It goes to someone else, Who cares how much we had, we want to be remembered by how much we loved and are remembered.
I should live by that philosophy, I try but I think I am trying too late.
When we speak words of encouragement it is often taken as a chastisement. Life is all in how we take it, Mostly how we choose to take it. We are the director of our own fate. So today this is not uplifting. Maybe today I need a little extra prayer whispered for me.
So on to work and some thing positive.
God is in Control.
Today I watched Good Morning America and saw the Stephen Curtis Chapman family. They have been through something I can not fathom. They are still trusting God. I still trust God. I guess we all have a right to step back at times and wonder and question.