Monday, December 15, 2014

Yeah I Broke today

We sent our car in for service, First it was the lights, they  went out, AT NIGHT, while driving.
Actually several things were going out, Horn, Cruise, etc.
but we had new brakes and tires and battery cables.
I am referring to David's Mercury.
Suddenly we need a tune up. OK we agree, It is time.
So I am shuttled home after dropping it off, Then today  I begin to  call and call and call   my Technician. He DOES NOT call me back. I am getting pretty stressed.
Finally I call back and tell them, Just get me anyone in the service department.
MIND You, This car was due to be picked up Friday, then Saturday and I worked on Friday and there is not shuttle service on Saturday.
OK we shall wait and hold onto our money. 1303.00.
NO biggie
Finally I am sent a limo to take me in to pick up my car. (Limo Right, It was a darn van)
I am all Happy, I was getting the big car back and I pay my bill.
I walk out to my car, Keys in hand and I push the  button to unlock, The horn sounds like an A model horn. (One of the items that was on the list to fix, We previously had no horn)
OK I open the door and lying at the side of the drivers seat is the lumbar controls, Wires and all.
I suddenly become very upset.
That was perfect when I took it in,
I do not even move my drivers seat forward, ( I am short but it appears a 7 foot giant drove it and repaired it)
I did not want them to say I had damaged the lumbar controls.
As I drive up the tech ask, "Is there a problem?"
I open the door and say, "You tell me."
"Oh" he says," I do not know. We have to have  it looked at. We probably need to order a part"
I begin to head inside to wait, (wish I had)  Then I turn and put the keys back in the ignition for him.
He makes a note and says, "Oh No you take it on home, We have to check  with your Service tech"
By now the tears are welling up behind  my eyes.
I am the only driver and I need help sometime, I do not want to make another trip back  to town again and be picked up by a shuttle.
I get in the car and brush away the looming tears.
You see I am tired, tired, tired.
I just worked two eight hour shifts., (too much for this old woman)
Not one more trip to that service department do I want.
As I drive out I am now sobbing.
How Can I do this,? How did they do that to my car? Who can help me now?

I GET HOME,  I push the button for the horn, It is horrible., Not even a real horn.
More tears fall.
I then push the button to open the doors, Lights should come on and entry panel should light up.
Now I am a mess.
I did not even check the cruise control which was also an issue.
I go in crying, David does not want to walk out to investigate. He just wants to believe me.
See if I am missing something or if I have totally lost it.

He puts his shoes on, it is raining, He does not recall how the horn was supposed to sound or how the lights were supposed to come on.

Makes my tears come harder.
I call the company. I am cancelling my payment until it is all Correct. I MEAN ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OH My they are not happy with me now. I did not care.
NO ONE returned my calls earlier, NO ONE was available when I called.
So I called the bank, The money is on hold. YEE HAW!!!
Get this woman riled and you have a tiger.

I am still sobbing as I speak to the shop manager. That was after being put on hold 3 times with his unavailability.
He tells me to bring it back. I tell him I can not. I am in no condition to drive.
I suggest, (which should have been his suggestion) he come and pick the car up with his service dept.
He agrees.
So not the car is gone again, I took 4,( count them 4) tranquilizers and lay down before I fell down.
David walked in he said, "Honey you are shaking all over, You need to relax"
I responded, "They just took 1300.00 for a job  that was botched and I am sad.
I refused to talk to them again, I was and still  am TOO UPSET.
They Broke my Lumbar support system.

OK I feel better now, It is bedtime.

OH to all to this, On the day I took it in, a Young Man gave me a ride home in the shuttle.
Now I would not typically call attention to this but after about 15 minutes I said, "OK I have to tell you , This van Stinks" It was HORRIBLE.
He asked what it smelled like, (like he did not know) I said, " Rotten fish, Being on Cannery Row, The pulp mill. I don't know but it is bad,  and honestly I thought you were having a gas problem"
He smiled and cracked the windows and made an attempt to look around the seats for the odor.
All this time he is making suggestions as to what it can be. He lets me know,
"Oh this is not my van and I do not know what he carries in here"
so today as I ride in I am suddenly aware,
I taught my sons, That is rude, Do not make others uncomfortable.
This young man  was totally disrespectful of me.

Monday, December 08, 2014

My Hug

As I worked on Sunday (warming, and putting out lots of Hawaiian chicken) I smiled. I told every customer "If you walk away you miss the Magic of Christmas" Meaning suddenly a new pan would appear.
I hummed my carols I visited I laughed and I had a great time.
Suddenly a customer says, "You remind me of the lady from Golden Girls" I looked up, smiled and said, Rue McClanahan. We laughed as I said, and Yes I can talk like her and even act like her.

She moved on and later I was out front of my cart humming and straightening the signs.
She walked up suddenly and said, "Sue, you need a hug"
And I did as my heart at times was breaking for so many things.
How did she know I needed that? How did she see my heart?

Later Lola and Jerry Cerepa walked up. She grabbed me and we hugged for the longest time.
I love that lady, She is as real as it gets.  She was so excited, All her children and grandchildren will be home for the first time since they grew up  and married. Some from Florida. And to my knowledge Lola had 7 or more children. She was and is a Special influence in  my life  and in my job at Wards.

You see this year, I can not even get into cookie making, I have the recipe books out, David  is drooling but my heart is not in it.
I feel the need to get to Arkansas to take care of my sister. She is in need of lots of prayer.
Her back is so bad, she can only lie down, Coy has to do the driving and he has been told he should not be driving at all.
She can not bake for her elderly friends, She always puts boxes together and they Love it.
I want to go, I need to go but things here are in shambles with my Son and his children, I think they need me, although my son appears to rather we get uninvolved.
Come on!!!!!!!!!!!!! I grew up with no Daddy, these kids are growing up with NO Viable Mommy.
(No I wont take it back)
I know their hearts are breaking, I know, I have been there in a different set of circumstances.
No Daddy but a Wonderful Mommy,  They are growing up with a Dedicated Daddy and a Mommy that pops in.

Viable Mom (helps with daily stresses the children face, helps with homework, Keeps clothes wearable and clean, Keeps home reasonably orderly, Not perfect but orderly, Is there to tuck them in, Fix the long beautiful hair of the girls, wipes tears from their eyes and gives hugs and bakes cookies with them.)

David needs me to do most things for him. (even dressing properly) So I am at a stalemate, Do it or not. Dang can I hide for the next few weeks? Or maybe I can be the Run Away Mom, Mamaw or Wife.

No God gave me a job and even though the load is quite heavy. I will do it.

Now where did I put those wrenches????? Better yet, I need to complete the tree decorating, records are on and I am hanging memories.

Sunday, November 30, 2014

My Mom

Why do I have such a tough time when I recall all my Mom's trials.
Yes she had trials but she never failed to kiss my Dad good morning. (He was a kisser)
He called her Baby or Darling. (I have that on record as told to me and Sheri in 1986.)
He sat down in his recliner and she brought him a cup of coffee.
In his last days he spent most of his time in Pajamas.
She was waiting on him and scared, knowing his time was probably short.
I can still see his face as she handed him his coffee. His smile and Thank You.

They had communication and it was usually funny, (sometimes they fussed)  but my favorite is seeing their two chairs, side by side with a lamp table between. That table held a lamp, two cups of coffee and their hands as they reached across to hold hands.

Yes my Mama took care of my dad for a while. (In her words, Not long enough)
If he began passing out she was right on the floor beside him, getting his nitro and cradling his head.

He died two weeks after I turned 11.

God I missed him so much, BUT I had a Mama that was always there.
She was at our bedside when we became ill, She was up in the middle of the night praying when she knew things were out of order.
She sat up until we came home from Dates.
She taught us to be self sufficient, (girls).
She taught us to ALWAYS freshen up before our husbands came home from work.
She told me, (Comb your hair and put on a fresh dress)
Mama was always well kept.
She ALWAYS prayed for God to let her live to raise her children.
He did just that.
She ALWAYS  prayed she would not die alone.
(Not one more person could have crowded in her room, as she took her last breath)
God answered that prayer.

So today I am missing her but I have her teaching in my heart,
I have her example of holding hands, kissing occasionally, slow dancing in the kitchen, (Not Mama but Daddy would have loved to) He loved music and dance.
He loved to  laugh Loud and Long, (just like my Charles)
He loved practical jokes. (I do that occasionally)
I see her up early making  the coffee and a big pan of Hot Fresh Biscuits.

Yes Mama was my guide and I will never forget her guidance.
Love is what you make it, or what makes you.

Thursday, November 27, 2014

A Dollar of Christmas

The year 1957, My Mama had more money to go around. That year she gave each of us kids 50 cents or a dollar. I  cant quite remember. I do however recall the store we shopped.
 Herndon's 5 and 10 cent store. (or called The Five and Dime)
We go in with our loot and spend lots of time looking for just the right gift. One of us got her a cedar box with Sheridan Arkansas printed on it. Another got her a bottle of "Evening in Paradise" cologne.
That fragrance came back to me in 2002.
That was a trip of a lifetime for me. It was almost the end of my life, but that is another story.
We were in the Bobby Vinton Theater and gift shop.
Lots of Red Rose buds were being bought to hand to him as he sang, "Roses are Red"
Of course I bought one and took it to him and got a kiss. No I did not swoon but my heart was racing. LOL
Then I sampled his fragrance. "Blue Velvet"
Oh MY that was an exact copy of "Evening in Paradise."
I kept saying "I know this fragrance, I know it from many years ago,"
The clerk looked at me and asked what was it. Finally it hit my brain,
"That is a fragrance from 1957, called in Evening in Paradise" OH My goodness how the memories flooded my mind.

So tonight we watched "A Dollar For Christmas"
The Dad only had a $ dollar saved for the holidays and it was put on a mantle so each of 5 children could take what was needed to buy a gift for the name of the family member they drew.
Yeah!!!! I cried most of the way through it.
David came in from his shower just as one of the older boys wrapped up a used baseball glove for his younger brother. He had used linseed oil and made it like new again.
Suddenly I hear sobbing coming from his chair.
All I could decipher from his sobs were,
"Coy always did that, He wrapped up old things for everyone in the house for Christmas. Usually an old pocket knife or something he could or would give up"
More tears fell as we discussed our Christmas Past.

Monday, November 24, 2014


Thankful? For What?
So many, things. NO ONE can name them all.
Right now I am wishing I could get the wonderful Sea Salt Caramel off my fingers. YUM!!!
Uh OH now it is on David's Paperwork. Whoops.

We were considering loading up the Motor home and Driving to YC and parking for a few days.

But instead we began lots of needed work,
Today began with yard work. LOTs of work, I was (Was) just going to mow outside the fence and beside the HUGE Walnut tree, but I just kept going and going and going., You know, Like the energizer Bunny.
 I cut out a huge mulberry stump, I trimmed up the Privet hedge. I mowed the front yard, I even blew millions of leaves out of the rock border, (with my mower).
David in the meantime was trying to burn our pile of debris.

And This is Thanksgiving Week!!!

When you live on 6 acres,  You  need lots of trimming and burning and cleaning up.
Our lawn boy has not called or shown up in a while but that is OK, We are doing fine. May not move a muscle tomorrow but at least some of our work is done.
And this is Thanksgiving Week!!

So what do you do what at 2:30 in the morning you wake with a song from childhood stirring your brain?
I tried to shake it off, I  tried to turn it down but Little Jeanette's voice was still singing,
 "How Far is Heaven,
When can I go,
To see my Daddy,
 He's there I know,
How far is Heaven
lets go tonight,
I want my Daddy to Hold me tight."

When we first sang that I was about 11 and she was about 6. We let her take the lead on the chorus as it was so fitting to our life. I always wept as I saw the tears in her eyes as she sang.
Yes I grew up singing in church.
We, The Brown girls sang at nearly every service.
Our Mama was so proud. We only wished Daddy could have heard us, and Maybe he did.
That song has followed me all day. As I mowed, As I used the chain saw, As I threw debris on the fire.
(Debris which kicked back on me and now I have a bloody lip)
However If David is out working I am RIGHT beside him.

So This is Thanksgiving week
 All this is what I am so  thankful  for, Without this the rest would not be here.
That  is what I am most thankful for. I still have my Love in my life. We are each others best friend and after 51 years it is so important to daily functioning.
I think of him, He thinks of me. I worry about him, He checks on me.
Every fiber of our being is here for each other

So How far is Heaven,? 
 Its only a Prayer Away, A heartbeat away. A breath away.

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

LONG time

It  has been so long since I posted, I am  not sure what to discuss.
OK we bought a 30 foot Fleetwood 50th anniversary edition Motor Home.
We took a beautiful trip to the REDWOODS and two more trips to Lassen.
Yep we Love the open road and I am taller then anyone else when I am behind that wheel.
I feel in control. LOL  LOL
My treatment for the year is over with no big hitches. So if that is true Why is he seeing me every 6 months?
Why blood work every 6 months?
Why did I get a horrible infection in my  mouth from it, I had a yeast infection or thrush as the old people used to call it. My tongue felt bigger than my mouth,

David is good. He loves taking long walks. LONG walks.
So today after having a bunch of skin cancers burned off his face and neck, we went to the Sundial bridge, We took that long walk but forgot to carry water. UH OH I am a dried up old woman with no water to drink. I may add, the walk is beside the Sacramento River, and I thought.
"Water, Water, Everywhere and not a drop to drink"
The gardens always inspire me, but selling this house leaves much to be done.
Who cares if I have a great earthy garden. Who cares if it is a yellow garden, Native garden,  Red garden or whatever. As long as I plug it into the ground it grows.

Now I sit here wondering how my children are doing? See, my sons never call, Ken called every week before his own life fell to pieces and he is still putting pieces together.
He knows "There is going to be a glorious unfolding"
My daughter is weekly faithful to call. She knows we need a little communication.
I guess I am just nosy but I must know all is well or I feel all is NOT well.

With us, we never know  what the day will bring but I know I must get out there and begin mowing the yards. Rains have set in and now we need to burn our huge pile of limbs.
Rambling?  Yeah, lot of that. Not really much to report here but exhaustion and unsure of our future.

Now I must think of something to cook. I detest cooking, could be why I am down to 120 lbs. I just don't like food that much. Maybe I need someone else to cook for me.
Now I know what my Mama meant when she said that. And my Mama was a great cook.
Which brings me to the point of "I sure miss my family"

Friday, August 01, 2014


A spark can start a fire
A shot can start a war
A breeze can start a wave
That crashes on the shore
Hope...hope can change everything

Hope is gone or so far down it is unseeable, un redeemable, unknown,
 I have to dig up to climb up to hope.
My Hope for tomorrow is gone, My enthusiasm is diminishing by day.
Why? Why?
Because we are not sure where we are wanted or needed. Maybe it should just be what we want and nothing else.
Right??? Wrong.
I have never or will never put me first.
So off I go to work every day I can and have a little change for someone else.

OH last day I worked I promoted liquor. Yeah ME, That was my job. So I read all I could on Captain Morgan, Ketel One Vodka, Baileys Irish cream, Johnnie walker Red and Black Label., lets not leave our Crown Royal. Sold 12 of those to one customer. Tanqueray Gin, again, sold a LOT. sold in lots of 6, not sure why they buy so much.
Cirno vodka flavored with Peaches.
 We had imports from all over the world. When asked did I drink I say "NO" but I do cook and bake with liquor, I pointed  out uses for Rum, Baileys and I make my own Vanilla Flavorings with Vodka. All true and I nave never touched hard liquor.
However I put on my black sheath dress, my black tights, black boots and gold eye liner and I looked like a bar maid.
When asked why I was doing that demo, I replied I drew the short stick. Not a big deal, I did not give out samples but got that question anyway, at least 500 times.
I gave the same answer each time.  "You Wish", then I smiled sweetly and the customer goes, "I guess that means NO>"
Customers are funny.