Sunday, February 22, 2015

Work to Do

We had a friend come out to help us out yesterday. His work is impeccable. Me on the other hand wants to go out and help him out.
David reminds me, "That is why I hired him"
Oh our previous helper, He is in school and some of this work has to be carpentry.
Bill has helped build houses.
Not one minute does he waste. Always on the go and besides that he used his push mower to clear the front yard. I told him he could use the tractor but he declined. He likes pushing his mower. OK Whatever.
I went out and bought gas and a tank of propane to burn the pile with. We have a huge burn pile. Not one I want to do, So Bill gets to do that.
I can pull all the haul away out and get it stacked for, again I say haul away.
I can spray the grass at fence edge. I can move the trellis.
If only I could get David out of here to go take a hike or something, then I am free to hurry and get it done.
He watches me like a hawk.
On Wednesday we get a new pool pump, I want to move the old one back to the hot tub, I can do that and save about $95. Alas I have a hawk watching every move I make.
I want to spray inside the pool fence. I can do that.
So much I can do to save money. David is sometime a JERK. I Love this jerk but can he just let me do as I want??????
His response, "Cant you just let me make one decision?"
Me, "No your decisions cost more money"

Now we wait, wait, wait on the appraisal. I sure hope all this work is doing something good. As in getting me ahead of the curve. I have loads of crates packed and need to pack more.
I am being very careful with my glassware. I want Madi to get my 53 year old dishes in tact. Madi I got them when I was 15 and Papaw and I used them on anniversaries, birthdays, etc. then our family grew and I did not have enough so they became something we looked at. I have slowly added missing pieces through Replacements LTD.
Again, each piece is being wrapped safely, but I must get out and buy more bubble wrap.
So that is one thing I can do.
That and Cough, Cough, cough, I was tempted to get out of bed at 1:30 and drive into Anderson to get something, anything, I even took a swig of Cognac. YUCK, that tasted like paint thinner.
I wanted the coughing to stop and I heard that would help. It did not!!!!!!!
But Alas, I stayed in bed and coughed  my lungs out until morning.

Sunday, February 08, 2015

Good Lord

It has been a long time since I posted. What has been happening?
 Not a lot, other then seeing changes each day. Losses of loved ones, Friends being there for you, Family drifting and OH Yes my cousin, Jim Ed Brown producing another single.
Neighbors you take for granted but who always keep a watchful eye out. (I asked them to watch if David came out to work)
So much.
As of January, my endocrinologist has told me to stay off work until we get my thyroid hormones under control. He has kept them really high, (on purpose) To make sure no thyroid cancer cells left the area of their habitation.
Sounds weird to me.
However as he put me off work, the house has sold.
Why am I not jumping for joy? I am tired, Tired, tired. Hence the reason I do  not work.
If I can not work and get paid, How can I work here and pack?
Good question..
I have slowly moved items to the rec room for selling, However it looks like a junk pile.
The other rooms, on the other hand are looking quite empty.
The living area, I have piled all my photo albums on the table, with the full intention of putting stray photos in them, but alas they lay in piles, with the photo box (overflowing )  on the floor beside the table.
That has been the home for two  weeks.
I open my bowl cabinet today and suddenly realize, "WHY DOES ANYONE NEED SO MANY BOWLS?" A four foot upper cabinet with 4 shelves, all full.
 I still have the first stainless steel  bowls from my first mixer.
My Mamas green bowls, (which go to my daughter) my bowls I love to eat cereal from and our set of clear bowls, just because, Oh yeah, Two sets of just because bowls. My really old bowls with the side lips on them. Green and white with small etched flowers.
 Now lets not get to the ones that go with sets of dishes. Dang!!!!!
Double Dang!!!!
I want to get to YC to see my grandbabies. Gosh when I think of them I tear up.
I tear up when I think of anything, anybody or nothing at all. (Like my mind is never busy)
Dang again.
So now you have a post. I have a post and I am still thinking and sweating.
Dang I detest these hormones.
Must get busy, Anyone want to help????

Sunday, November 30, 2014

My Mom

Why do I have such a tough time when I recall all my Mom's trials.
Yes she had trials but she never failed to kiss my Dad good morning. (He was a kisser)
He called her Baby or Darling. (I have that on record as told to me and Sheri in 1986.)
He sat down in his recliner and she brought him a cup of coffee.
In his last days he spent most of his time in Pajamas.
She was waiting on him and scared, knowing his time was probably short.
I can still see his face as she handed him his coffee. His smile and Thank You.

They had communication and it was usually funny, (sometimes they fussed)  but my favorite is seeing their two chairs, side by side with a lamp table between. That table held a lamp, two cups of coffee and their hands as they reached across to hold hands.

Yes my Mama took care of my dad for a while. (In her words, Not long enough)
If he began passing out she was right on the floor beside him, getting his nitro and cradling his head.

He died two weeks after I turned 11.

God I missed him so much, BUT I had a Mama that was always there.
She was at our bedside when we became ill, She was up in the middle of the night praying when she knew things were out of order.
She sat up until we came home from Dates.
She taught us to be self sufficient, (girls).
She taught us to ALWAYS freshen up before our husbands came home from work.
She told me, (Comb your hair and put on a fresh dress)
Mama was always well kept.
She ALWAYS prayed for God to let her live to raise her children.
He did just that.
She ALWAYS  prayed she would not die alone.
(Not one more person could have crowded in her room, as she took her last breath)
God answered that prayer.

So today I am missing her but I have her teaching in my heart,
I have her example of holding hands, kissing occasionally, slow dancing in the kitchen, (Not Mama but Daddy would have loved to) He loved music and dance.
He loved to  laugh Loud and Long, (just like my Charles)
He loved practical jokes. (I do that occasionally)
I see her up early making  the coffee and a big pan of Hot Fresh Biscuits.

Yes Mama was my guide and I will never forget her guidance.
Love is what you make it, or what makes you.

Thursday, November 27, 2014

A Dollar of Christmas

The year 1957, My Mama had more money to go around. That year she gave each of us kids 50 cents or a dollar. I  cant quite remember. I do however recall the store we shopped.
 Herndon's 5 and 10 cent store. (or called The Five and Dime)
We go in with our loot and spend lots of time looking for just the right gift. One of us got her a cedar box with Sheridan Arkansas printed on it. Another got her a bottle of "Evening in Paradise" cologne.
That fragrance came back to me in 2002.
That was a trip of a lifetime for me. It was almost the end of my life, but that is another story.
We were in the Bobby Vinton Theater and gift shop.
Lots of Red Rose buds were being bought to hand to him as he sang, "Roses are Red"
Of course I bought one and took it to him and got a kiss. No I did not swoon but my heart was racing. LOL
Then I sampled his fragrance. "Blue Velvet"
Oh MY that was an exact copy of "Evening in Paradise."
I kept saying "I know this fragrance, I know it from many years ago,"
The clerk looked at me and asked what was it. Finally it hit my brain,
"That is a fragrance from 1957, called in Evening in Paradise" OH My goodness how the memories flooded my mind.

So tonight we watched "A Dollar For Christmas"
The Dad only had a $ dollar saved for the holidays and it was put on a mantle so each of 5 children could take what was needed to buy a gift for the name of the family member they drew.
Yeah!!!! I cried most of the way through it.
David came in from his shower just as one of the older boys wrapped up a used baseball glove for his younger brother. He had used linseed oil and made it like new again.
Suddenly I hear sobbing coming from his chair.
All I could decipher from his sobs were,
"Coy always did that, He wrapped up old things for everyone in the house for Christmas. Usually an old pocket knife or something he could or would give up"
More tears fell as we discussed our Christmas Past.

Monday, November 24, 2014


Thankful? For What?
So many, things. NO ONE can name them all.
Right now I am wishing I could get the wonderful Sea Salt Caramel off my fingers. YUM!!!
Uh OH now it is on David's Paperwork. Whoops.

We were considering loading up the Motor home and Driving to YC and parking for a few days.

But instead we began lots of needed work,
Today began with yard work. LOTs of work, I was (Was) just going to mow outside the fence and beside the HUGE Walnut tree, but I just kept going and going and going., You know, Like the energizer Bunny.
 I cut out a huge mulberry stump, I trimmed up the Privet hedge. I mowed the front yard, I even blew millions of leaves out of the rock border, (with my mower).
David in the meantime was trying to burn our pile of debris.

And This is Thanksgiving Week!!!

When you live on 6 acres,  You  need lots of trimming and burning and cleaning up.
Our lawn boy has not called or shown up in a while but that is OK, We are doing fine. May not move a muscle tomorrow but at least some of our work is done.
And this is Thanksgiving Week!!

So what do you do what at 2:30 in the morning you wake with a song from childhood stirring your brain?
I tried to shake it off, I  tried to turn it down but Little Jeanette's voice was still singing,
 "How Far is Heaven,
When can I go,
To see my Daddy,
 He's there I know,
How far is Heaven
lets go tonight,
I want my Daddy to Hold me tight."

When we first sang that I was about 11 and she was about 6. We let her take the lead on the chorus as it was so fitting to our life. I always wept as I saw the tears in her eyes as she sang.
Yes I grew up singing in church.
We, The Brown girls sang at nearly every service.
Our Mama was so proud. We only wished Daddy could have heard us, and Maybe he did.
That song has followed me all day. As I mowed, As I used the chain saw, As I threw debris on the fire.
(Debris which kicked back on me and now I have a bloody lip)
However If David is out working I am RIGHT beside him.

So This is Thanksgiving week
 All this is what I am so  thankful  for, Without this the rest would not be here.
That  is what I am most thankful for. I still have my Love in my life. We are each others best friend and after 51 years it is so important to daily functioning.
I think of him, He thinks of me. I worry about him, He checks on me.
Every fiber of our being is here for each other

So How far is Heaven,? 
 Its only a Prayer Away, A heartbeat away. A breath away.

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

LONG time

It  has been so long since I posted, I am  not sure what to discuss.
OK we bought a 30 foot Fleetwood 50th anniversary edition Motor Home.
We took a beautiful trip to the REDWOODS and two more trips to Lassen.
Yep we Love the open road and I am taller then anyone else when I am behind that wheel.
I feel in control. LOL  LOL
My treatment for the year is over with no big hitches. So if that is true Why is he seeing me every 6 months?
Why blood work every 6 months?
Why did I get a horrible infection in my  mouth from it, I had a yeast infection or thrush as the old people used to call it. My tongue felt bigger than my mouth,

David is good. He loves taking long walks. LONG walks.
So today after having a bunch of skin cancers burned off his face and neck, we went to the Sundial bridge, We took that long walk but forgot to carry water. UH OH I am a dried up old woman with no water to drink. I may add, the walk is beside the Sacramento River, and I thought.
"Water, Water, Everywhere and not a drop to drink"
The gardens always inspire me, but selling this house leaves much to be done.
Who cares if I have a great earthy garden. Who cares if it is a yellow garden, Native garden,  Red garden or whatever. As long as I plug it into the ground it grows.

Now I sit here wondering how my children are doing? See, my sons never call, Ken called every week before his own life fell to pieces and he is still putting pieces together.
He knows "There is going to be a glorious unfolding"
My daughter is weekly faithful to call. She knows we need a little communication.
I guess I am just nosy but I must know all is well or I feel all is NOT well.

With us, we never know  what the day will bring but I know I must get out there and begin mowing the yards. Rains have set in and now we need to burn our huge pile of limbs.
Rambling?  Yeah, lot of that. Not really much to report here but exhaustion and unsure of our future.

Now I must think of something to cook. I detest cooking, could be why I am down to 120 lbs. I just don't like food that much. Maybe I need someone else to cook for me.
Now I know what my Mama meant when she said that. And my Mama was a great cook.
Which brings me to the point of "I sure miss my family"

Friday, August 01, 2014


A spark can start a fire
A shot can start a war
A breeze can start a wave
That crashes on the shore
Hope...hope can change everything

Hope is gone or so far down it is unseeable, un redeemable, unknown,
 I have to dig up to climb up to hope.
My Hope for tomorrow is gone, My enthusiasm is diminishing by day.
Why? Why?
Because we are not sure where we are wanted or needed. Maybe it should just be what we want and nothing else.
Right??? Wrong.
I have never or will never put me first.
So off I go to work every day I can and have a little change for someone else.

OH last day I worked I promoted liquor. Yeah ME, That was my job. So I read all I could on Captain Morgan, Ketel One Vodka, Baileys Irish cream, Johnnie walker Red and Black Label., lets not leave our Crown Royal. Sold 12 of those to one customer. Tanqueray Gin, again, sold a LOT. sold in lots of 6, not sure why they buy so much.
Cirno vodka flavored with Peaches.
 We had imports from all over the world. When asked did I drink I say "NO" but I do cook and bake with liquor, I pointed  out uses for Rum, Baileys and I make my own Vanilla Flavorings with Vodka. All true and I nave never touched hard liquor.
However I put on my black sheath dress, my black tights, black boots and gold eye liner and I looked like a bar maid.
When asked why I was doing that demo, I replied I drew the short stick. Not a big deal, I did not give out samples but got that question anyway, at least 500 times.
I gave the same answer each time.  "You Wish", then I smiled sweetly and the customer goes, "I guess that means NO>"
Customers are funny.