Irish Jokes

Lost at Sea.
Two Irishmen, Patrick and Michael, were adrift in a lifeboat, following
a dramatic escape from a burning freighter. While rummaging through
the boat's provisions. Patrick stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly
hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously.
To the amazement of Patrick, a genie came forth.

This particular genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one
wish, not the standard three.

Without giving much thought to it, Parick blurted out, "Make the whole
ocean into Guiness Beer."

The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately
the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals,
Simultaneously, the genie vanished.

Only the gentle lapping of Guinness on the hull broke the stillness
as two men considered their circumstances.

Michael looked disgustedly at Patrick whose wish had been granted.
After a long, tension- filled moment, he spoke:

"Nice going, Patrick. Now we're going to have to pee in the boat."
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An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender
finally said that the bar was closing. So the Irishman stood up to leave
ad fell flat on his face. He tried again - same result. He figured he'll
crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up.

Once outside, he stood up and fell on his face again. So he decided to
crawl the four blocks home. Again he fell on his face.
He crawled through the door and into his bedroom. When he reached his
bed he tried one more time to stand up. This time he managed to pull
himself upright.., but he quickly fell right into the bed and is sound
asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

He was awakened the next morning to his wife standing over him,
shouting, "SO YOU'VE BEEN DRINKING AGAIN."


Putting on an innocent look, and intent on bluffing it out, he said,
"What makes you say that?"

"The pub just called; you left your wheelchair there again."
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