Lighter Note

While visiting in Arkansas, one of my Distant cousins , Davids side of the family came to visit.
She could be a comedian.
She had me roaring in laughter.
So I will tell her story the way she told it, Sorry if I miss anything.
remember this is told in very southern accent and stressed each word.
Names are changed to protect the innocent.

"Rod's Dad has been kicked out of our home."

That man Stanks, Stanks. He is horrible.

We sent his stinking body back to the mountains where he belongs.

He never takes a bath unless Rod makes him, Then he half does it.

It would take a toilet bowl brush to get the crud off, then we have to throw away the brush.

I tell you he Stanks, he is crusty, he is lecherous.

I have to say, my husband is a Good man to go in that bathroom with his dad and scape the crud off that stanky body.

"The old Man comes into the kitchen and tries to stand by me. But he Stanks."

I say, "Get Away from me"

He says, "Kitten", he calls me kitten , not sure why but he does.

"I want to go to town,"

I ask, "What For?"

He wont say .

I find out later it was for a Coke.

I tell him I have the baby to take care of, Go git Rod."

So he goes out and says, "Rod you have to take care of the baby, Kitten is taking me to town."

I begrudgingly get in the car and begin driving to town. Suddenly he is leaning on me, I say,

"Git off me I can't drive with you there."

"He only leans closer, He is on the HUMP, The HUMP between the seats, You know the Hump."

I try to get the phone to call Rod, I tell him what the old man is doing, while I am shoving him over.

Finally we git to Walmart, I git out and he gits out, He has his hand on my back like he is leading me into the store. I am mortified.

Wouldn't you know it, Every person I know from church is shopping , "Sister Crutch, Sister Gossip, Sister Know it all, Sister computer,. Even the pastor and his wife. I keep my head down while he gits his Coke. Again I am so mortified.

The night after that episode and a shower episode (where he deliberately walked in on me) Rod moves his Dad's Stanky Heine out to a shed on the property. He is to stay in there until we can decide what to do with him. We tell him we will give him three days to move out.

So he has to eat, I fix his dinner. I cut the little pork chop up in tiny bites so he wont choke. I put mashed potatoes on his plate. I made no gravy but Rod said, He will want gravy.

So I begrudgingly make a pan of gravy and put gravy on his potatoes.

He knows I prepare the food.

Then I tell Rod, you take it out, I am NOT going out there.

I am in the kitchen and I hear Rod Yell, I mean he is yelling like I never heard him yell.

I go to the door, and there stands Rod, plate in hand with his Dad His Dad was waiting for his plate,

STARK NAKED.

He thought I would be delivering dinner.

"He looked like a Mule on its hind legs with everything going south."

That is when I began laughing, I asked her to repeat that last line so I could remember it fully.