For Some Reason

Today was Horrible at work. I felt like I was trying to be in 6 places at once. It was a fiasco.
I ran between workers and put their time down as I saw it, Not as they wanted. MY CLOCK is the only one that counts. That is true when I am the Breaker and when someone argues It ticks me off. I sweetly say, Sorry but mine is what I am using and it has to be this way.
So not a good day.
Every movement to lift object caused severe muscle spasms. Feet, legs, back, Odd places, But I kept on trudging through. That is what I do but when the day ended and I had to shop for odds and ends, I was not a happy camper.
(or as Dylan used to say, "Mamaw is not happy to go camping" LOL)
I came home to a husband that had, earlier locked himself out of the house.
Oh Yeah!!!!!!!!!
I sat up immediately, "How did you get in?"
I know one window that can be used by me only, If he tried it, a certain tragedy would occur.
He explained but all the while  I was picturing him climbing in that window, standing on a PLASTIC chair , chair crumbling, him hitting the patio or even worse getting stuck in the window and having to sit there for several hours.
I have so smile as I picture this, (since it did not happen). As we all know, he IS NOT agile.
He finally made it into the house only to find the keys in the first room he broke into.
See I have reason to worry about him. He just forgets things and important things.
But he is still my Rock, My Precious Jewel that I treasure.

1. When I left, "Honey, Move that sprinkler to the front lawn".
"OK"
2. "Honey cut the okra I am sure some is way overgrown"
"OK"
3. Last but not least, "Load those few dishes. Then try to rest."

Total time, Maybe 30 minutes tops.

Dishwasher was running when I walked in with my arms loaded and he was stooped over the bed, so tired he could barely move.
Did he get that done? NO but he did put chemicals in the pool and he did edge the walks.
Those needed done too.
Poor guy, I told him tonight, I wanted his big strong voice back. He gets so tired, he just drops several octaves and it sounds weak.
I watch him sleep and he barely moves, seldom a noise from his side of the bed. Snoring is almost nil.
Maybe I worry too much but that is what I do, I pray for him a lot and notice subtle changes.
My work ladies have noticed too. Some did not recognize him, His old friends almost did not recognize him.
I watched last night as he stood at the bathroom sink, washing his hands, He looked so thin.
I force him to eat. While we had company this year, he did gain a few pounds but he ate more, Now he is back to picking his food apart. I try to keep things he likes, but that is almost impossible as he likes few things.


On a positive note.
Last night we had guests. Steven Woolery, (Look him up on the Internet.) He is a renowned  Landscape Artist, (In Pastels).
He also dates one of my coworkers. I think he is an amazing man.
(This weekend they are in Arcata, He is showing and selling his art)
Anyway, I asked for critiques to improve one painting I have. One I can not sign because I think it is unfinished.
He kept saying, "Sue you must paint, You have a great concept of distance, and 3 D, you see beyond the obvious. You have a great eye for detail"
Well Hearing that felt really good.
OK not to brag but I knew that one. I love to look beyond the tree.
A Tree is NOT  just a tree, it has Many layers, Many stories to tell in its gnarly branches. More than a green tree, It is a tree of many colors. Just walk out and look at the green around you, How many shades do you see?
Lots huh?
I told David, before Steve got here, I know one thing that is wrong, the sun light is wrong on my house. I have it on the east and it is obviously on the West at this time. All shadows were in line but the house was too light on the roof.
He gave me great insight as to bringing life to my oil painting.
He also gave me insight to my Bobcat I painted for David. I know the mistakes but I can't seem to make them just right.
You never know until you try to repair an error so I must get to this repair. Then I can sign my name.
Above all.
He called me an artist. He was not being nice. He was being a critic.  ( I hope)
We both saw the same things but he knew how to make them right. (There is the difference in my art and his professional art)
Me an ARTIST? I just can not accept that title but I will continue to dabble in art, One form or another.
Carolyn, My friend, LOVED LOVED my sewing area, She also makes quilts. We had a lot of fun, going over the fabrics I have, and showing her my stash and completed quilts. Ones I have for show.
My embroidery, My UFO"s, (unfinished objects) I have a pile of them. Two quilts, several pillowcases to add lace to.
12 squares embroidered for a bedding cover, a full array of "Old Mother Hubbard" squares, Embroidered and ready to set.
One black and tan flying geese wall hanging, Ready to quilt and hang.
( I have a problem with that, I can not see making something that has no useful purpose, ex to provide warmth)
Carolyn Said, "sue you have Lovely quilts so why do I see a store bought quilt on your bed?"
good question, So tonight I changed the guest room comforter for my Millennium quilt. It looks really nice.
Oh why can I not get my crafty stuff done?
Just procrastination.
Only excuse I have is LAZY, When I am off I want to rest, Perhaps working on quilts would be therapy and make me feel alive again.
Some days I  am so out if it, I just want to sleep.

And once this garden is over, I can rest again. It has kept me jumping, and canning and freezing. Every waking moment is consumed with something.
And then I remember that is what keeps me going. I should be gone, If I were most people, I would have given up a long time ago, I would have sat and said, "OH I have a bad heart, I had Cancer, I must be careful"
But not me, I have to fight, fight, fight. I will win.

I have a Great Big God, A 900 Lb. Jesus, An army of Lights, A Blessing I must share.

WORDS AND MUSIC BY "NEWSBOYS"

Chasing after this world makes me tired
Praisin' my own name leaves me dry

 

There's gotta be so much more to life than this
A higher calling that I missed
 I want my life to count, every breath

 

I wanna live with abandon
Give You all that I am
Every part of my heart Jesus
I place in Your hands
I wanna live with abandon

 

I'll drop everything to follow You
It's only Your hands I hold onto

There's gotta be more to life than this
A higher calling that I missed
I want my life to count, every breath

I'm not looking back
I'm done with that
Wanna give You all I have

 

I WANNA LIVE WITH ABANDON.