Dis-stressed

I assume that is what I am feeling tonight. Not sad, Not mad, Not stressed, Not anything I can put my finger one. Well that is not exactly the truth.
I am worried about my BIL, Davids only brother, He is not well. He has had several severe head injuries since he was a kid and now there is a spot on his brain. They see a neurologist this week about it, but his symptoms are increasing.
That has us both in tears, (a lot). David and Coy are buddies. I always call the two of them and Retha the living sister, "The Three Musketeers" If one did it they all did it, If one needed help the other was there in a second to help out.
Now at this phase in our lives, I want and David needs to be there for Coy.
We pray daily for this place to sell, We need to get there. If anyone can get the laughter going again, It will be David and Coy. They are quite a pair, I believe I said that. Oh well it bears repeating.
They are quite a pair.
Sometime God has unique plans for us, this can not be it, us here and needed there. I Know where we live will be fine with our children, although leaving California has never been a strong point for me, but now The South seems to be drawing me, drawing me back to my roots. I think of so many things that I grew up with.
For example tonight as I was working the patio, I plainly heard, "Suki Jane".
Now how long has it been since I have been called that? I can tell you, not since my Mom died. She called me that sometime, I believe it was a derivative of Susie.
But I heard it and I repeated it. I then asked David if in fact it was a derivative of Sue.
He said "Yes it was."
So why did it pop into my head after all these years?
I guess I am missing my brothers and sisters.
When we leave here I will miss my son in YC but I bet I see him more after I move than I do now. He is my baby boy, With adorable children that adore us. I will miss those honest open smiles. I will miss those incredible hugs they give, but they can come see Mamaw and Papaw anytime they want to. And we will be more free to travel to see them. No more tied to work around this six acres. The six acres that should feed cattle or horses.
The work here is so hard at times. Too hard on David. Now too hard on me.
Today he vacuumed the pool, while I pulled weeds, trimmed the lavender, mowed the back lawn and cleaned the patio. His legs hurt so bad tonight, I hate to see him in pain.
that is why when he is out working I work right beside him. I feel it is unfair to ask him to do work I cant or wont do.
Yesterday we cleaned the old garage. scrubbing and mopping and getting the cat smell out. STINKY!!! I love smokey but I hate his smell he leaves to mark his territory. The bathroom floor was also a mess, Full of dead bugs, that bathroom seldom gets used so it is just there. I really need to have that garage sale. Really Really bad. Now to just get the energy to put it together.
I keep running across things I will sell, Old tablecloths, old cookware and dishes. I will never use them. Lots of old things, They just hang around taking up space.
We also need to advertise the motor home, It is at a almost give away price, I have huge doctor bills showing up and that will handle them.
But the main reason it "I want David home with me, All Time," I feel our time is short and any day can be the last, but I know any day can be anyone last, we just have to make the best of each day."
However with our recent history, Cancer scare, My Heart aches, My extreme exhaustion, His legs breaking down, His feet in bad shape, I know it is time to do something and I am selfish. I want him with me.
So sell this place.
We desperately need everyone to pray that it sells and sells soon. I am ready to be out.

So distressed. I see another shop tomorrow about my car. Darn it, That has me on edge too. To do something so stupid. I am a good driver, No accidents then I have one in my garage and hurt my pride. Perhaps I had too much pride in it. Got to work on that, It is just a car.
Now it is midnight and I should be in bed, but my mind will not shut down, I had a busy day and did not stop until about 4 o'clock. Again, work work work. See too much for an old woman. OH I will stay busy but I think I can be a little slower and less work in a subdivision. Not that I wanted to live in one, but you do what is best for you.
So pray this place sells by the end of April. Total sale. No more hassles.
Good night I hope.
Love Mom