Miss Her

Saturday as we drove home from Yuba City.

It hit me. Really Hard!!!!!

I am not sure why, but David tells me it is close to her Birthday, and the 11 year day of her death.

As I looked over at him in the passenger seat . I suddenly thought of my Mom.
I could see her sitting there, with her arms folded, her purse on her arm, Looking ahead.
I began to tear up.
Suddenly I am crying, Really crying, I wanted to just squall. (if that is a proper word)
I wanted to wail. I wanted to scream out. "I miss you so much"



I could hear her telling me, "Sue I would be 91 next month. I am OK"

This song suddenly came on the Radio. Now I am crying.

This song put it in perspective for me, (at the moment).

I pull over and David drives the rest of the way home.

I bury my head in my hands and tissue and let it all out.


Empty hands held high
Such small sacrifice
If not joined with my life
I sing in vain tonight

May the words I say
And the things I do
Make my lifesong sing
Bring a smile to You

Let my lifesong sing to You
Let my lifesong sing to You
I want to sign Your name to the end of this day
Knowing that my heart was true
Let my lifesong sing to You

Lord I give my life
A living sacrifice
To reach a world in need
To be Your hands and feet

So may the words I say
And the things I do
Make my lifesong sing
Bring a smile to You

Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Let my lifesong sing to You

You see I think of the sacrifice my Mom made for us.

She would not remarry, She was only 38 years old. Younger than any of my children. She wanted to protect us.

She worried about us each time we walked out the door.

She was a founder of a local church. They always came to Mrs. Brown when the organization was ready to try another church in Town.

This happened more than once.

I recall one of the ministers coming into town on two occasions, arriving at my Moms house and discussing the way to get started.

(Sheridan Church of God).

I belive it is a thriving church today.

I have not been a part of that organization since I was 19 years old.

Mama donated can after can of applesauce to the orphanage.

I have photos of that applesauce stacked by the pulpit.

The photo was taken when Charles was a toddler. (Charles will be 46 this year)

However I must remember her life and celebrate her Being and Loving and Teachings.

Life was not always good to her, in fact she took some hard hits but she survived and I have to celebrate life, I have to not mourn my loss. (too much)

Oh I will mourn once in a while but I will also be thankful for my teachings and life she gave me.