More of the Same

AND STILL THE WORLD GOES ON

As you may know, my older brother passed away, He was found yesterday in his bathtub.

I am so restless today. I cry, I mope around, I feel bad, I am ill and I want to know How he Died.
I need to talk, just talk and cry it out.

Edward was apparently gone for about 5 days before they found him.
Sad???
Yes!!!!!!!!!!


I am so out of it. Roy is too ,  he has called twice. I guess you never know how you feel until you face this. Then you do NOT know what to do or how you truly feel.
I am trying to sort it all out.

I am deeply saddened by Ed's passing, He was a big brother I did not know.
He was working at age 14 and I was only 6. He  had to go to work to help out at home.
Daddy had the heart attack and the responsibility was turned over to him.
that is just the way it was in the 50,s. No Welfare, No Food stamps, No Free rides. You pay for it all.
We moved to a house that we paid only $5  a month in rent. Eventually Daddy got Workers Comp pay, (50 every two weeks)  but he died before they settled up.
We raised all our own gardens, bought bread that was being discarded by the bread company.
(That is the truth), Daddy walked over to the warehouse in Pine Bluff, We all sat in the car while he did it. He asked for the throw away and they gave it to him for $1 a bag. Wow We had bought bread and snack treats by the bag full. Weekly.
We bought bologna by the 4 foot logs, cut it into usable portions and froze it, We did everything for ourselves.
But Ed was a lost member of the family. He seldom sat at the table with us, He was working.
I guess that is where he lost touch with his siblings. He was suddenly the breadwinner and a Child.
A 14 year old boy, working at a Service Station.

3years ago,
 I returned home  for my Baby Sisters funeral, He was in the living room visiting friends. He did not know I was there.
I snuck in, and bounced down on his lap. He was stunned and all he could say was "Well, I, Uh,"
Then I got a big hug and he introduced me as his Little Sis from California.
I think I made his day showing him I did care for my big brother.
I cared but I still did not know him, really know him like I do Roy or Harold.
When he became 18 he joined the National Guard. He was one proud soldier. We have photos of that young Man in his uniform.
Shortly after that he married and I still did not know him.
But I  quickly fell in love with his children. Pat was on my hip most of the time.
I  still adore those kids and pray for Gods peace to dwell in their hearts.


T