Good Day

Today has not been a good day for me, I miss Jeanette so much today, I am constantly weeping. I took med to make me relax, NO Good, I tried to sleep, Still no rest.
I keep thinking of her and her making me laugh.
God you know I need peace now and I need her to make me laugh.

I so wanted to call her yesterday and tell her of the New Jack in Box commercial.
Yes we laughed over the silliest things.
That is how we survived our trials.
There is always something funny in life, we have to find it.
Jeanette and I had a way of finding it.

Oh my life is Good, Great in fact. A fact I was almost ashamed of when I talked to her.
I am healthy, (to a point) I wanted all I had to be hers.
I would have given up so much to see her have one month of good health and happiness.
I often asked God to please take some of mine and pass it to her.
She needed it and I could handle obstacles.
She had so many trials, None I could help her with.
All I could do was listen, and when she called for prayer, I prayed.



One day my Daughter wrote, "I have no filter for problems, However my Mom has a super filter where her baby sister is concerned, She can handle it all."

OK here is the actual quote from Sheri's blog. I sort of misquoted.
Ummm actually my blog said you have NO filter at all, especially when it comes to your sister: My Mom has three sisters. I don't know much about sisterly relationships, but I can see that with her sisters she is very different. Where she has no filter at other times it's as if she is filter less X about 1000 especially with her baby sister.

So Yes she was my Baby Sister, I could take anything just to have her in my life.

All she wanted was to be thought of, Her words to me, "think of me when you shop and see something I may like, Think of me when you try a new recipe." I always did.

She loved Cranberry bliss bars, Apple butter and My Cranberry Relish recipe. She would call to tell me what she was eating. I miss that.

Yes, I could filter through the trials she was in and pray and get angry at the people hurting her or using her. Yes I could still Love her even though we did not always agree.

A few years ago, we had a tiff. Nothing major.
But our communication broke down.
One day I called and said, "I cant handle this any longer, I need you in my life."
So as adults we make conscious decisions as to how we deal with life and problems and disagreements.
How do you want it to end?

Ours ended on a laugh.

The last day she called me, the 6th.
We had a great laugh about something that had just happened.
We talked and then I told her to hurry and get over this cold she could NOT have a cold.
She died the next morning.
I told her to get well. I told her husband "I am so angry at her for leaving me."

That is what stays with me. The fact that I wanted it so desperately but could do nothing to help.
This is not filtering well.
I know it will take time but when I think a month has almost passed and I am still in mourning, I think, "God this is not what she wanted for me, She wanted laughter, I was her laughing buddy."
With four girls, we were the most alike. We were even accused of looking alike, However I am 40 lbs heavier than her.
She barely weighed 90 lbs.
In fact here is a funny.

When Jeanette went shopping, (while she was still able to get out) The wheel chair shopping carts would not go for her, (she did not weigh enough).
CW her husband, said, "Once I got her going she was OK."
We often laughed and I would tell her to put a bag of dog food on the seat then set down, or better yet, carry tire chains in her pocket."
We would laugh and laugh.
One day David said, "Hey tell Jeanette to have CW put her in the basket and let her little legs dangle out the holes."
Again we laughed and laughed until she had to stop.
She was something alright.
Mama used to get irritated at our antics but she also said, "You two girls are peas in a pod."



So Jeanette writing this made me laugh.
So Thank you Sweet Do Dat for reminding me that you are always here.
Even if just in my heart and sweet memories.
I refuse to think of the bad times, there were too many beautiful moments to share.

Oh yes, Remember when you called to tell me, You had just purchased your plots next to Mama and Daddy?
You said, "I bet on the resurrection, Mama says, "Come on Jeanette get up, You make us late for everything."Jeanette was like me a perpetual primper. She wanted everything just right before she walked out the door.

I LOVE you.
Dont make us late.
We go as a Family.