Finally a Holiday

I am not sure where the month has gone but it is almost gone.
I try to call my brother, Harold, every day. Just to let him know I  love him so much,
Yes I said it when he was respondent and I always will have a piece of him in my heart.
Harold is special.
When I called this morning, May told me, "Sue he heard you, he had a tear roll out of his eye"
Yep I cried more.
I know  it comes to all of us but today I have been a mess. Crying at anything.
And I did work. Between tears and red eyes.

As I arrived at the break  room door, a friend stopped me and asked about things.
I broke down.
Suddenly I was surrounded by a huge group hug.
I think it was my first ever by so many people.
I am usually the strong one for others but this last few days have taken their toll on my Heart.

I cried and prayed all the way into work today. I just could not  stop. I almost turned around and stayed home with David as he needs me more every day.
Him I  do adore and I  suffer when he suffers. He is totally incapacitated with his right hand. He needs help removing his wallet and meds and keys.
As we were being scanned at the airport, they asked him to raise both hands over his head.
That was not going to happen. I wanted to  yell, "Are you  people stupid, Cant you see he is trying?"
I stepped into the X-ray monitor and took his pocket items out.  Pills and  wallet .
that is all he had.
He was so frustrated by all the delays, But we made it and I served him coffee and a roll at Starbucks.

I have a DIL I love so much but I want to NOT love her.
I  can not let her go easily but I will as time moves on.
I do not want her to ever forget how she  touched my heart and life.
Kris if you are reading this, My Love will not change. I  tried but you are like a daughter to me, You and Shelle.  Life without either of you is not fathomable.
I am still unsure of what to think or feel. At times I am so jumbled up in my thoughts, I lose control of my tears.
If I hurt this bad, How much more is Ken and the children hurting?
So I put my thoughts to him and the babies.


I am looking forward to taking them camping this summer, Of course to Lassen. We will rent a cabin and spend a night or two. Not sure I could handle more than that with no necessities. Necessities like electricity, running water and a restroom right down the hall.
No, at Lassen you have to go  to the nearest public room and it is a trek through the woods with a flashlight and a good sense of balance.

With that good thought I will close and go to bed. It is time to put this old Grandmother down for the night.