True, I am just craving those berries. Not sure the dip is good for me but it is Good to my tummy.
Today I grabbed a piece of chicken for protein, but my plate was full of fresh berries and a huge scoop of my dip.
Recipe
4 cups powder sugar,
8 oz. package cream cheese ( I had softened on hand)
Eagle brand milk until it is your consistency. ( I like medium not dripping or firm)
Mix in large mixer, place in bowl and devour.
And devour is what I am doing.
So what have I been doing? Sleeping a lot.
I have an easy way out from problems, that out is sleeping. I am sure it is a cowards way out but I cry so easily, when I think of Harold I cry, When I think of Ken or Kris I cry, When I think of that sick baby I cry, When I see David struggle, I cry. Yep my tranquilizers are no working very well.
David and I both slept most of yesterday. We did. Got up at 9 Am, We ate a little fruit and coffee, then went back to lie down, got up at 2 and went back to rest more. Got up at 5 for a bite of fruit and at 9 I think we were back in bed.
I have to stop myself or I become too involved in everyones pain. I tell David, "Don't let me do this, it is not safe to lose control like this"
Why does it all have to end? Why do loved ones have to die? Why can't I go first so I do not know this pain?
God has a plan and day by day is all we can do.
I look around at my possessions and wonder, "What will become of this stuff?"
That is what they are , "Just Stuff"
At one time I thought of them as necessary or a Want. Now I see them as cumbersome.
Something to rid myself or my children of.
They each have their own stuff and God knows they do not need mine too.
I have a 3 bedroom house full, plus an 800 sq. ft. rec room. (mostly games and office equipment)
If I had my druthers I druthers give it all away.
But one must continue to live.
I do have a plan soon, We shall see if it comes to fruition.,
Now if only I had a U haul truck.
I NEED my grandchildren here for a few days, I think that will put me out in that pool and sunshine.
For everyone's information, I backed my Mustang into a tree. On my own property, That makes two times, right here at home.
With my own horrible skills. I had started the engine. I was buckled in, David was safely buckled in and suddenly I saw him trying to put his sling on.
I forgot to keep my foot on the brake, the next thing I hear is a Crash and bump. We were both jerked forward.
I immediately take it to Millers, They give me an estimate of 860.00.
I was going to keep it and take care of it myself, after all deduct is 500.
Then I find out I can not just choose Millers, They are not on our company list. ERRRRRRR
Miller calls me and says, "Bring it in today, we have a State Farm Rep here for another car"
Great. Then they pull the bumper off, The damage is deep, It is now 1900.00.
Of course now I am not doing it myself.
The office tells me they have a 100 dollar saving coupon for Miller, That is a part of my deductible.
OK Now I can breathe a little better.
My company has already cut Miller a check so I know it is OK.
And through all this, David is calm and tells me it is OK.
I still feel STUPID when I think of what I did.
Suddenly I feel as if I have to be all and do all and think all for everyone.
I am just not up to doing that.
When I told Jeff, "I am really NOT a bad driver, Just having a Bad summer"
It all began in March.
Now if it will just end.
Jeff told me to just keep my mind on driving when I am driving but he understands my pain. He has been through it too, Unfortunately a lot of people have this in their life.
Tomorrow evening we need to proceed thinning the pluots. that tree is looadedddddddddd. AS Are the plums and the apples.
We have already disposed of at least 100 pluots and No plums but work must move ahead.
David can help me with that one.
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